I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
