That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
