Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
