I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
