I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
