All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We left the knife in your bed.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
