Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
