Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
