This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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