Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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