last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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