there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
