Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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