My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
