Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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