I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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