You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
