So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
