He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
