It's Friday. Sex?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
