She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
