I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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