hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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