the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
