I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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