There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
