bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
