So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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