Sry I called you an 8
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
