3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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