I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
