There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
