I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
