I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
