Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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