if i can run in heels then i can drive
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
