I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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