Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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