I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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