Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
