They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
