One girl and one boy is just not enough.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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