I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
