he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
