He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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