So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she told me i tasted like america
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
