You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
