sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
whose parrot is this?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
