why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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