Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
