Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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