Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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