Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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