She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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