so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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