i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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