Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
