a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
