I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
