You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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