all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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