I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
