I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
