i need an iv and a liver transplant
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
